Race

Last night was an interesting night; it being a Friday, it involved copious amounts of alcohol, although I am proud to say that I did not consume much. It was also the first time in a very, very long time that my brother and I were drinking together in the same vicinity. I met some new people last night, and re-met people that I had seen before (alcohol is the boon of first meetings).

Before we had gone to the party a few doors down, I relaxed and started to drink in my friend Ronnie's apartment. The entire place was jam picked with Indians, albeit with the exception of one Lebanese person, and one Mexican; I reflected, bemusedly, that I was in company that I thought I would never really feel wholly comfortable with when I came to UOP in 2007.

I had always thought it so cliche and stereotypical to only associate with one's own race; yet, a few years later, I find that my views have changed drastically. I had hung with a pretty diverse group of guys since freshman year (at least in regards to race, if not personality), but after some of us had gone our own separate ways, I find that I'm gravitating towards people just like me (not just in skin color, but just in tastes, traits, etc.). Its fascinating, too, considering that one of my other friends from the old gang also seems to undergone a shift that parallels much of what I've gone through, in that he's strengthening his friendships with people of the same nationality and faith as him.

Of course, just because I'm embracing my inner Indian side (and there's a touch of irony to that, considering how "whitewashed" orthodox Indians would find me to be), doesn't mean that I completely disregard my past friendships or tastes. My best friend at Pacific is still an Asian person, I still have Yellow Fever (albeit, its probably more latent now), etc.; still, its interesting how the human social animal can adapt to his environment.

Back Again

It scarcely seems a week since I last posted, but alas, I'm rather surprised by how much has happened in a week. Good things, I think. Anyways, it feels rather comforting being back at UOP again. Love it or hate it, this school doesn't seem to be quite the alien and frightening place it once was to me. But, ah this, last week in review...

The GMAT went surprisingly well. In retrospect, I think I was blessed with an extraordinary amount of luck regarding that test, because I probably put two weeks time, tops, into studying for it. And not just studying; half-assed studying. I don't really think of it is a boast; I just think of it as the truth. But, now that its done and over with, I just have to finish this year up. Its kind of funny, on further reflection about the test. I knew that if I bombed it, I probably wouldn't have to apply to the MBA program, so I wouldn't have to spend another year in Stockton. On the other hand, I knew my parents were spending 250 bucks for me to take this test; not trying my hardest would be an invisible slap to the face, in my eyes. So, I've resigned myself for another year in Stockton... but I think the hardest reason as to why I didn't want to do this damn thing, along with spending another year at school, would be that I wouldn't be in the same Pharmacy class as many of my other friends.

I think one thing I miss about the dorms, aside from the infinite supply of toilet paper, is the proximity of my friends. I'm not rooming with guys I know; they're random strangers. Good guys, but all the same, not the guys I've known and talked to the last few years. Its been rather lonely these last few days, but I know that once school picks up, I'll be seeing most of my friends in the library.

Speaking of which, I've started talking to Sean and Eric again. Its surprising to me, but in retrospect, our argument was such a retarded thing to get all worked up about. We haven't really acknowledged what we've said to each other; its kinda like its all swept up under the rug, or perhaps, I've been too much of a coward to bring it up? I'd like to believe that we've made up, regardless of what the cynical side of me believes. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Friends

Today, I had the opportunity to hang out with some friends of mine I hadn't seen since well over half a year. While one part of me rejoiced at the fact that I saw familiar faces in which I had shared so many moments with, another part of me asked: what the hell happened? I'm trying not to be judgmental here (however unlikely that seems), but I'm puzzled by some of the choices they've made, and some of the situations they've seem to put themselves into. Two of them have warrants out for their arrests. Another, who I never took to be a pothead and just a slightly recreational drug user (a few beers from time to time, his own hookah he's got set-up, etc.) is dating a dealer, and he blazes just about every other day with her. One of my best friends is getting married within the year, and yet he's just about the biggest womanizer I've ever known (me and my other friend have a running bet on how long he's gonna last before he has an affair; we're not exactly the best of friends to think so lowly of him, but hey, we're pragmatists, not saints).

But I still love them. They're hilarious, down-to-earth, good people. Flawed, yes, but who doesn't have them? I have them myself; I'm full of contradictions (read: hypocrite), prone to anger, etc. I may come off as judgmental here, but these are the types of people that make life interesting; when I'm sitting behind a counter telling some old geezers how to prolong their lives with the pills I'm giving them, it'll be nice to know that I can get away from the monotomy of life as a pharmacist, and just do something exciting, dangerous, stupid, but ultimately...fulfilling, in some strange way. Hell, they already convinced me to go to Santa Cruz next week (I'm having bouts of deja vu here, because I realize that I'm going to go, with or without my parents' consent) to visit my friend Mike.

I've come to realize that I would be a very, very different person had I not met some of these people in my life; a lesser one, without my friends.

Bittersweet endings

I write this post after a year of sorrow, of joy, of victory, of defeat, and of pain. I'm back at home now, mulling over my thoughts as I write this blog post. Another year, another step closer to finishing college; another year of friendships made and friendships broken. I suppose of this entry's theme is friendship.

I was wrong, of course. I wrote last time that nothing ever ends; yet, I was proven wrong when a friendship was ended this week. An argument over the smallest of differences escalated into a very heated and nasty debate on Facebook; and when the ashes had settled, I found myself with two less friends. I still don't know what to make of that fact; at first, I was rather shocked that this event could actually break a friendship. Now...well, now, I've accepted it for it is. I find that I am not irrevocably changed, or broken; instead, I've simply just acknowledged it. It seems like a bittersweet way to end the school year, but I guess this lesson about the loss of friendship could only be learned through life's most effective teacher: pain.