Limits

I think I have to curb my drinking. Last night, I can't remember what I did, or who I saw; I blacked out, once again. You thought I would have learned my lesson before, but....no, it seems as if I really didn't. I thought I could control how much I took in, but alas, it seems like my willpower just slips away in those moments. I don't seem to know my limits, I think, so I think I'm going to put my drinking on hiatus. I'm not going to say "Never again", and be at it...but I think I need some time to figure it all out.


EDIT: Scratch that. Well, Paul's coming this weekend, which will no doubt involve some form of MAD (mutually assured drinking). Soon, though...soon

Groups

Over the past few days, I've been noticing something. Not a particular trend, or pattern, or anything of the sort, but just the behavior people exhibit when in groups. Not really having much of a group that I really identify with anymore, I find it fascinating (although, you would probably just think its creepy) watching the interactions between myself and other people. People whom I can normally engage in one on one conversations with suddenly become cold and indifferent towards me when in the company of other people. I wonder; can other people's opinions about one person really shape the attitude of another person's feelings about that person?

Its an interesting phenomena. Its almost unconscious, in that the person I wanted to talk to is stuck between a rock and a hard place; its like he senses the undercurrent, or tension, and cuts it by ignoring the outsider. I find it both hilarious, and saddening, at the same time; hilarious, for we are all fools who don't address the problem at hand; saddening, with the knowledge that things can never truly be the same. If there's one thing I've learned about watching these dealings, its that people will always have a hierarchy to their friendships; and while I suspect that I'm at the top of very few, if any, of these pyramids, I still find it disheartening to know that so many memories and moments can be swept away, like tears in the rain.

But I guess that's change, then, isn't it? For good or for ill, something happens, somebody else remembers it, and we all end up moving on.

I just wish change wasn't so damn lonely.

New Meetings

Over the weekend, I had the chance to go home. Looking back at some of the pictures taken of the various activities by some of my friends over the weekend, I kind of wish I hadn't. On the other hand, I did meet my cousin, whom I haven't met in over two years! She just finished med school in Buffalo, and got a temporary assignment in Sacramento. But I truly am glad that I got to go home; its in her, really, that I think I've finally found a kindred, albeit older, spirit. So, I'm glad that this weekend, while not academically productive (read: understatement), was very spiritually uplifting.

On the flip side, I'm kind of saddened that I didn't get to see Paul (or Thinh) over the weekend. Staying in contact over Facebook isn't really the same as seeing somebody in person, ya know? Well, my friend's bachelor party is gonna be in San Fran next month, so maybe I'll be able to stop by and see him?...If I'm not super wasted, that is.

Oh yeah, I also watched (500) Days of Summer. If ever there was a romance movie that I genuinely liked, it would be that one. Do yourself a favor, dear reader(s), and watch it; you'll be doing yourself a favor.

Until next time, I suppose.